Sunday, October 4, 2009
This was taken days, maybe hours, before my mom died.
She was admitted on a Saturday and I stayed in denial until Tuesday morning. The doctors called my dad and I in to a small conference room and told us there was nothing more they could do. I don't remember much after that. I remember sobbing uncontrollably. I think I remember a doctor patting my back. I remember them asking how far we wanted to go to keep mom alive. The only thing I remember vividly is sobbing... 'doubled over, from the gut' crying.
In prior months my mom tried a couple times to tell me that she wasn't going to be here much longer. I didn't believe her... either out of stupidity or self preservation.
So from Tuesday on we waited for her to take her final breath. She was heavily sedated... I guess because the pain would have been too much to bear. She looked as if she was sleeping at first but as the week went on she looked as if she was further and further away. She was slipping away and what remained was a broken empty shell.
She waited until everyone had gone home on Friday and at 1:40 am (Saturday morning) she took her final breath. My dad, Adam and I around her crying, she let go and went home to be with the Lord. I've never been so full of despair as I was at that moment.
A short time later, I removed her wedding band and engagement ring from her finger and placed them on mine.
I think I will always wear them.